What could it be?
"You got some sun, huh, Hun?" the phlebotomist said as I sat down in the firm chair with high armrests, high even for someone who sits tall but stands in about average.
I asked her if any of the blood tests ordered by my doctor might be able to answer this—the skin thing. Looking like you spent all day baking in the sun but then had a skin reaction and broke out in hives and splotchy, random patches of burst capillaries.
"That happens in the sun?"
"Sun, shade but being outside, stress…" I stopped.
"Oh, Honey. I can't imagine."
I hear that a lot.
"I'm not sure," she said, about the blood tests revealing anything skin-related.
"Okay. It was worth asking. Just don't know how often I'll have to keep getting blood tests done at this rate."
My gastroenterologist ordered this round, so it probably wouldn't cover the skin thing, but it was worth asking the woman who's business is blood.
"I've never seen anything like that," she said, bringing her face down close to my forearm. "Wow. Good luck with all that, Dear."
Two pokes and fourteen vials later, it was done.
Next, the Endoscopy on Friday. Everything's going to be fine.
Then the Colonoscopy next Tuesday. It's going to be okay.
I'm ready for answers now. Well, I'm ready to not be "sick" anymore. If that means answers then so be it.
He didn't sign up for this, but he's still here.
A Pill For A Pill Leaves The Whole World Drugged
I've got nothing of value today. Only anger.
What could it be?
I didn’t prepare for it.
I think I like not knowing.
What do I want to do with this?
Hmm… Good question.
It had just started to rain and the dog was whining at the back sliding glass door.
I don't want to get my hopes too high, but it's something to look forward to.
"What do you want it to be?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you act like I haven't done anything over the last three years. Three years..."
So much stuff. What's the goddamned point?
Time seems to slip away faster now.
If only I could take them with me.
'How's your business going?'
'Fine.' I hate it.
If only he knew her, then he'd understand.
'I wouldn't do it again, if that's what you mean,' I said, pulling my MacBook Pro closer to me atop the long work table in the mall.
What was she thinking?
My fingers are crossed, but I'm not sure if that's enough anymore.
They always end up letting you down.
It always happens in droves.
She caught me with the knife when I was sixteen, maybe seventeen.
I like being flawed. It gives me something to write about.
I let my kids examine my naked body yesterday.
There's no winning with blame.
Every time I think I'm getting better at this whole life thing, I do something wrong and set it back.
It was cold that day. Odd for Florida.
I gave twenty dollars to a woman on the side of the road today.
I like getting older.
There's something about with age and experience comes wisdom that's exhilarating.
The bad thing about family is you can never escape the past.
They remember everything.
I'll see this one through, I tell myself. I'll finish it.
After this, I'll put it to bed. After this, I'll move forward.