Misery Loves Company

Every time I think I'm getting better at this whole life thing, I do something wrong and set it back.

Maybe it's a depressive sort of thing.

You make progress then you subconsciously sabotage yourself soon after. Sometimes thwarting everything you did to make that progress in the first place.

The pills don't seem to change that.

The doctor asks: "How would you rate your depression on a scale from one to ten?"

I don't know if I lie every time or she just catches me on a good day.

"A three," I'll say.

The next day something goes terribly awry and my answer could be an eight.

A song I love from a band that seems to be orchestrated just for me states:

The pills will make it go away. Depression is my only friend. I'm never getting better and I don't want to anyway.

When I heard that verse for the first time, I remember it being that pivotal moment for me.

Yes, somebody gets it. Then, oh no… Somebody gets it. It's real. I really do sabotage myself.

Do we feel like we don't deserve to be happy?

Do we just put on this "I'm okay" facade and smile at people while inside you're tearing yourself to shreds.

You want to be miserable.

Because misery has been there your whole life. The only thing that knows you. The only thing that sticks around at every level, every turn, and every fall back into the oblivion of it's soothing caress.

It's easy.

The world is hard. Easy is nice sometimes.

And it's always there. Waiting.

It's always ready for you, wherever you are.

You can hurt people, but you don't hurt that low. You can't hurt it.

And it can't hurt you, either. Its comfortable. You know it well. It's a part of you.

That can never be bad, you know.

Nothing easy and comfortable could be bad.

"Every time I think I'm getting better at this whole life thing, I do something wrong and set it back."—Sara Eatherton-Goff, 'Misery Loves Company'
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I'm Sara. Mompreneur of 3, wife to super-awesome Brian, business coach, infopreneur and printable product creator.