A Clear As Mud Plan

Sometimes it just doesn't matter.

You can lay out your perfect, step-by-step roadmap, but when it comes down to it, you're never really prepared for anything.

Back in primary school, I felt like I was living in a dream-like world.

It felt real, looked real, tasted real. But it wasn't.

As an adult I was diagnosed with a plethora of disorders, however, depersonalization disorder is the biggie.

It took me forever to start making decisions based on "Yes, Sara, there are consequences to everything you do and say".

I used to lie like it was truth.

I used to hurt myself and have no regard for human life.

Then, it hit me the day I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter.

"What the fuck are you doing, Sara? This shit is happening."

Granted, I still felt like reality wasn't reality.

(Probably made worse by vivid, lucid dreams that, when remembered, are tough to separate from reality.)

Well, I was always "dreaming" in my mind, so it never really mattered, did it?

Nothing mattered.

My diagnosis could've been the end of the world for me. Because I didn't know if I wanted things to actually be real anyhow.

But, it did help.

For one, it showed me that I'm not the only person who feels like they're in a Matrix-like world. And two, because I know I can feel, and be and do more of the things that make me a good human being.

A good, contributing member of society.

In some ways, I still feel stinted. But in others, I feel like my afflictions have given me a wider span of vision to glimpse at the world through.

My muddied mind might actually be the clearest in the room.

Especially since it's just me and the dog at the moment...

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I'm Sara. Mompreneur of 3, wife to super-awesome Brian, business coach, infopreneur and printable product creator.